By: Gretchen Kellaway
Look me in the eyes!
The amusement is no longer there, instead you created anger in my center. Radiating out and down, contaminating my heart. The chances I have given you, over the years: To clean up, to act right, only softly dampen my fears.
An extra bit of padding to catch you on the way down. That path you always swear you will never touch again. Seems to be the only one you are willing to walk.
Yet there you are.
Staring back at me from the other end.
Standing there, firm in your belief that there is nothing wrong.
Your flip flop attitude, it isn’t changing my feelings. If anything it’s only confirming my beliefs. You are settled here. And it’s all about you. Your desires and your needs. Your demands which make no sense to me.
Why is it I always have to pick up after you? I’m left to fix your mistakes. A band-aid won’t help this time. I know, the book says I must understand your weaknesses, but you look right over the strength of your creation and pretend it’s not there.
How can you look into the bleeding hearts of your children and not hear their screams? Why are they not a driving force for you to pick a better direction?
To put down that pill. The needle seeping acid into your veins.
Burning out the good intentions and leaving behind a mess.
I don’t understand. Perhaps, I never will. I just can’t listen to your excuses anymore. Your fake stream of self-pity, arrogance, you’re dripping with manipulative power. You believe I hear only what you want me to hear, but I see the faces. I see the innocent beings you don’t seem to give a fuck about.
Until your eyes are clear, I am finished.
Tired of your promises, that leak from poison tongues. Tired of the lies you tell. You believe they aren’t visible from the outside.
Enough is enough.
Exile yourself, for yourself.
But don’t take the rest of your world down with you.
Hi! The Brain! (To most of my facebook followers) My name is Gretchen. I am a mother to four boys! All completely different, all amazing. It has been a hard road to get to this point, ready to share my story or stories with the world. My site, How My Brain Works, is a place for me to place my life essays, my short stories; which up until now have spent their lives in spiral and marble notebooks; never to see the light of day, and my quirky quips; I post my daily madness on my Facebook page, How My Brain Works, which has become part therapy, part awesome cafe to hang out with friends! Feel free to follow me there.